Being present.
Once upon a time I had what I like to refer to as a ‘monkey mind.’ There were always a zillion thoughts bouncing around my head, swinging from tree to tree, rarely completing a full, focused contemplation. I used to think it was so great, joking about that crazy monkey with my best friend before my wedding as those to-do lists piled up, so proud that I wasn’t forgetting a thing, ah life was grand…..
And then one day I opened my eyes and thought, ‘that sh*ts cray.” Because when has a monkey controlling a mind EV ER been a good idea? Who hired this guy in the first place?? And so, it was time for that dude to go.
But as anyone who’s ever had to terminate someone would appreciate, that a*hole must have known I was on to him, making firing his a** much easier said than done. So I tried a few tricks. Last year I started learning about meditation, (all the craze with the Fortune 500’s of the world by the way) and let me tell you, that sh*t is hard! I keep swearing today, because being present ain’t easy, that sh*t is hard too! The best advice in my meditation ‘class’ was to not beat yourself up as you sit in silence and watch that monkey break branches right in front of your face, despite telling him not to. Focus on your breath, and try (and try and try and try) again. Eventually, for a nanosecond, you might think of absolutely nothing. Mission accomplished; now to work on making that time grow.
I think the other half of the battle, is the conscious awareness of your everyday actions in life. Am I present in conversations? Or just waiting for my turn to speak, thinking of what I’m going to say. Am I awake in this moment, or on auto-pilot to start the laundry, load the dishes, and set the table while dinner cooks instead of sparking meaningful (adult) conversation with my husband? Am I enjoying this moment, or secretly thinking it would make a good blog/Facebook/Instagram post? Even something as little as typing a text. I diagnosed it as “chubby finger syndrome” because I found it so frustrating to send messages on my iphone without a mil;ion ettorz, SO ANNOYING. Until I realized that I never look at the letters as I choose them, I stare at the words that I’m typing…perhaps to catch my mistakes, or think of the next sentence. What, were the words going to change?? Was someone going to steal my thoughts as I’m typing?? I mean, seriously! L o o k at the l e t t e r s as you t y p e them. Duh. I wasn’t even present in my texts.
Now, all that said, there’s a part of me that knows this monkey lives inside every woman, to keep lives in order and stay on top of all the noise of life. The key is to find the balance in it all, let it unfold the way it’s meant to, and not the way you think it needs to….for that, my friends, is the essence of life (…and a sane mind.)
Ciao ciao, monkey. Hello, me.
Comments