Most of you know I was diagnosed with ADHD in March this year. I was struggling to sit still in an event, and am aware of my constant fidgeting, picking, pinching, and general inability to sit still and relax.
This also comes with the baggage that I am from Venus and my husband is from Mars... we have always been different thinkers, but as I become more self aware of why I behave the way I do, he too started to offer feedback and advise on how I should do things the way he does, because they'll make my life easier...
Well honestly, that just made me feel like his way was right and my ways were wrong. Constant feedback suddenly started to sound like critisism, like my decisions weren't as good as his, and my thought process didn't matter. Until I realised this was how I was feeling, I didn't push back, I just deflated instead.
ADHD also comes with overthinking, and not having a 'heirarchy' of tasks and the world around me, everything is just equally as important as everything else in my eyes. My husband and I call it "butterfly" effect. I can be doing a million things, and then, "ooh, look, a butterfly!" And I'm off with the fairies. What was a doing again?
I digress - geez this is just supposed to be transposing my notes from scraps of paper to more easily accessed via my post and my phone. The long story shorter, is that all this confusion had me reaching to read the ADHD and Marriage book again - to understand myself more and improve my marriage. And there on the first page was a testimonial from a site called adhdcoaching.com. It would be like therapy, couples counselling, and self discovery class all in one, I was in.
Now I have a weekly call with my coach named James. And NOW I will write down my notes from Week 1:
Nutrition and exercise is extremely important, increasing protein is essential.
CLEARING THE DECKS:
- We tend to operation out of our feelings. So change your frame of mind, and your feelings will follow.
- Feelings of anxiousness or overwhelm can be released by taking 'time outs.' A quick walk or a "green break" are good options.
GREEN BREAK
- Clears the prefontal cortext.
- Do each 10 times, or 15 seconds, whatever you prefer.
- Go outside and find something green to focus on (nature/plants)
- Bring your arms up and over your head as you inhale, bring them down as you exhale - aim for 6 seconds with each breath.
- Nostral closure inhale - hold one closed as you inhale, switch sides as you exhale.
- Army arms + Marching - swing your arms and march for a count of 10.
- Punch the ceiling - arms above your head, punch up.
- Squats - yeppers, 10 of them.
- Jumping jacks / star jumps
The idea with these are simply to elevate the heart rate, reset the thought processes that were causing stress, and increase the insulin to improve the brain. I don't think they need to be that specific but they certainly cover all the muscle groups.
FACTS ARE FRIENDLY LIST.
I didn't understand why I was being asked to write down everything I can accomplished or been proud of in my life. To be honest I felt put on the spot and couldn't think of much. It helps to chunk down your life into years so you can start with childhood acheivments (hello, putting contest winner) and work your way up.
Once finished I finally understood. All the times the Critic starts to tell you that the thing you're working on will never be good, or you'll never succeed, or acheive the goal you set out to acheive. Every time your thoughts starting shitting on your ambitions, you go look at your 'Facts are Friendly' list and remind yourself that you CAN do HARD THINGS. And you WILL succeed at whatever the fuck it is your Critic is bitching to you about. Also, send the Critic on a time out green break while you're at it. Here is my list, that I will also write on a giant post-it note and tape inside my office somewhere.
FACTS ARE FRIENDLY
- lived all over the world (USA, UK, Tunisia, Russia, Switzerland, Australia)
- learned to speak French
- won a junior putting contest in Tunisia
- learned how to type really really fast
- can play the piano by ear
- won 1st place ribbons on swimteam in Texas
- learned to read and write Russian
- graduated from college
- was awarded with 'best professional attitude' in college
- was nominated as graduate speaker in college
- learned how to drive
- got promoted at work at 21
- worked my way up to Director titled roles for hotel groups
- reached a six-figure salary!
- won a weight loss contest
- completed programs/courses for flower school, spray tan, Cornell marketing, Starwood service culture, revenue courses, negotiation training, CPR, and probably more
- learned how to shoot shotguns and won an award
- married my ideal dream husband and am still married
- gave birth to one, two, and three priceless boys
- received Australian citizenship!
- ran a 12k race
- WROTE A BOOK
- created a blog (this one) and a website for all my notes (still this one)
- started a consulting business
- learned how to drive a MANUAL CAR!!!!
I think that's it for now - and I think I'm thinking too hard about it too. I'm going to write them on paper now and let them all sink in, I struggle to feel proud of myself (ever) so I'm very hopeful this will help.
More notes soon!
Kx
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