SELF CARE EXERCISE: Every flarbulous parent should write an astronomically non-sensible letter like this, therapeutic beyond words. Literally. Puns intended.
Dear mothers,
Are you nearly blind from fatigue? Feeling drunk with exhaustion? In a haze of cranky hysterics? huh. I'm not. What's wrong with you?
Let me tell you about my life. I'm the mother of one one-hundred percent perfect son. He damaged my body in no way when he was born, and for the 10-months of his life so far, he has done nothing but smile, sleep, and has yet to do a single poo.
He's at that age where he's eating solids now, so naturally I make him fresh organic meals daily, every four hours. In fact, I use all local sourced ingredients from my sustainable farm, located in my garden. More on that later. I make such good baby food, and so much of it, that I usually package the rest into biodegradable pouches and sell them to Woolworths and Coles. It's like those people who generate so much energy they sell it back to the electricity companies, but with food. It's a great source of income, and negates the expense of having a baby. What expense?
But enough about the baby for now. Let's talk about me. Every morning I wake up in a refreshed state of bliss, and I meditate until I finally think, "Enough zen for one day!" goodness, I'm so good at switching my mind off from the check lists, and organisation of having a baby, I never miss a beat.
I know what you’re thinking, ‘what does she do with all her free time?’ Well, aside from having a full time job, I work from home, I’ve started this blog, and I’ve found a new hobby. I’m now raising camels! And they are used exclusively for nativity scenes at Christmas time. The rest of the year they plow the organic farm and serve as water tanks.
And I still know what you’re thinking, 'she needs help!' right? But really, I don’t. Why would I have a nanny or a cleaner or anyone else to clutter my life with being accountable for? No thank you, I do it all myself.
They say ‘it takes a village’, but it just takes me. If you take nothing else from this letter, I think most mothers will agree with that.
Love always,
Perfection
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