The great 2020 pause. Who will I be on the other side of this journey? I need to define her, understand her, and introduce myself to her so we can get started.
I am in awe and so inspired by the refreshing voice of emerging powerful women who are saying things, as they are, and telling everyone how they feel, with reckless abandon; exactly zero fucks given about what other people will think. I see them as these beautiful tall flowers that are growing so high above the grass and lower plants – they are stunning, and scattered all over, not many at the moment, but more and more are emerging. I am in awe and honour that I might call myself one of those beautiful women with my words one day. I feel ignited just thinking about it. Because it is not that my story is so different, or similar, that it is or isn’t interesting, but rather that this movement of more and more woman coming in their own, sharing their story with the world, that is the change we need to see. It's the collection of all the stories of these tall blooming flowers that is inspiring those around them to grow tall too. To stop staying the same height as the grass around them, but rather to unafraid to blossom into who they are meant to be. It starts with sharing our feelings more. Good, bad, right, wrong. In small ways at first, a conversation, a text, an email. Then bigger, a blog site, to friends and family, publicly out there for anyone to find. Then a book. Then a published book. Then a widely distributed book. Then part of the movement.
I don’t know how long this life pause of 2020 will last, all I know is this. I hope that we, particularly women, but everyone in general, come out into the light on the other side with our guards down and our masks removed. It breaks my heart when I hear someone say they’ve stopped colouring their hair because “who is going to see it” or shaving their legs or wearing a bra. We shouldn’t be doing this for THEM, for society, for normality, we should be doing it for US, because it feels good to US. Because colouring our hair or wearing jewellery or certain clothing makes US feel good. Why do it otherwise? Why give more than zero fucks about everyone else and just focus on what WE want? This is our time to do exactly that! And look, I’m not saying we have to define ourselves and own it to the death, never changing, never choosing differently down the line. But my God do I hope that if you’ve realised you enjoy NOT wearing a bra, that you better be bra-less out in the world every once in a while when this is over. And if you don’t like shaving your legs, well they better be hairy as for ALL to see when you emerge. Zero fucks, people, zero fucks.
So define who you are now, and what you like, and what you don’t. And what you’ll keep and what you’ll discard, and then learn to grow as that tall beautiful colourful version that you are. You may not always stay tall, confident, regal, but you have seeds in your soul’s centre and you can grow yourself again and again, over and over. Just keep growing. Just keep going.
So dye your hair, spray tan, self soothe, self care, scrub, face mask, pamper, shave, OR DON’T! But don’t apologise for any of it. Don’t look at yourself in the mirror and see the flaws, reframe your thoughts to see the perfections that is your beautiful being. Those damn tufts of baby hair emerging in all directions? They’re there because you birthed a beautiful baby, thank you for the reminder. That tired face? That’s the adorable baby’s fault too, go give him a squeeze and then let’s put some pampering potions on our face, shall we? Don’t ‘should’ on yourself, this is not the time to shame yourself, it’s your time to shine, in front of the only audience that matters, yourself.
Maybe that means you will shed some of the societal rules along the way, maybe you’ll forget some of them altogether, wouldn’t that be nice. Be kind. That’s all we can do, and especially to ourselves. This isn’t the time to wallow and not ask for help because it’s too far. It’s the time to connect in all the ways you don’t normally connect; like on video calls especially. Shit you know they’re home, no excuses there! Connect, speak, ask, write, reach out in ways you never have. This is the step across the invisible line of the comfort zone, without even leaving your living room. So do it, just try.
If home is where the heart is then why does it so often feel like the most heartless place on Earth sometimes? Let’s change that. Let’s start the ever moving movement of self love, and self compassion. Honour your being, exactly as it is. It’s time to shine.
Here is what I promise I will do. I will take time, to sit in the stillness of my being, and slowly start to tease out the facts of who I am, at this very moment. They will be raw, and unapologetic, and truthful. And when I have coloured in that picture of my self, I will share it with you, in hopes you will too. Because understanding each other better is the highest form of compassion we will ever create.
Sending love, energy, and positivity.
K x
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